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Snappy Answers To Stupid Energy Questions

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Now, I don’t claim that everything I know I learned from Mad Magazine, but nonetheless, it did impart a certain amount of wisdom. One of my favorite repeating segments was “Dave Berg’s Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions.” My favorite, a devil asked a man in a lake of fire, “Hot enough for you?” And he replies, “No, but don’t change it just for me, everyone else may like it this way.”

Given the prevalence of cliches in the energy debate, it seemed useful to post some possible responses to various stupid comments and questions.

Isn’t it true that nuclear power plant waste remains dangerous for thousands of years?

It’s also true that arsenic, mercury and lead remain dangerous forever.

I listen to the science.

Science is a process, not an animate object that speaks.

Isn’t nuclear power very expensive.

Yes, so shouldn’t we build more to bring costs down?

China is investing a lot in renewable power.

They are also investing a lot in coal and nuclear, should we do that as well?

Isn’t CO2 a beneficial material?

Yes, so is water, but you don’t want to inhale pure CO2.

How do you explain the high price of oil?

People in the market think it should be high.

Shouldn’t we develop climate change policy in response to the fears of many in the public?

We don’t have Bigfoot control policies even though many believe in them.

Haven’t scientists and the scientific consensus often been wrong?

Yes, but they have been right much more often than people who say ‘Haven’t scientists often been wrong?’

If we buy a lot of this expensive energy it will get cheaper.

Why not wait until it’s cheaper and then buy it.

Doesn’t snow in Washington prove climate change is a hoax?

Look up ‘climate’ and ‘weather’ in the dictionary and get back to me.

Hydrogen is the most abundant element in the universe!

Yes, but the transport costs from interstellar space seem a bit high.

Electric cars are great, you just press a button and they go!

Because turning a key is beyond you physically?

We need to eliminate human greenhouse gas emissions.

So, you think that natural greenhouse gas emissions have no impact on the climate?

Battery prices have dropped 90% since 1990!

And yet electric vehicles are still much more expensive than gasoline ones.

Oil companies should sell oil at the price they paid for it when prices go up

Should they do the same when prices go down?

Should we cut gasoline taxes when oil prices surge?

How about if we cut alcohol taxes when corn prices surge?

We should stop importing Russian oil.

Look up ‘fungible’ in the dictionary and get back to me.

If we ban exports of oil and gas, prices will drop.

Why not do the same with corn and beef?

“Failure’s not an option.”

People say that just before failure.

No one can afford it.

It’s expensive, but people seem to be buying it

We can’t let another country dominate renewable energy technology.

The way Finland dominated cellphone technology?

People not profits!

Jobs not posturing!

Surveys show a broad interest in electric vehicles.

I’m interested in Maseratis but you probably won’t see one in my driveway.

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